Well, it's been a few days since I updated. I kept meaning to, but we had a couple of tough nights that tired me out and left me laying on the couch useless at night after Tiger went to bed and then we had some good nights and I had enough energy to spend QT with DH after Tiger went to bed and figured that was more important than blogging -as energy for QT is part of the point of this whole exercise!
A quick overview of where we are going into night #11 of our attempt at sleep - as I indicated it's been a mixed bag, but mostly going well. Tiger is definitely making progress in his sleeping and I'm finally getting many successive nights where I don't have to nurse between his bedtime and about 4AM. This is having hugely positive effects on mine and my family's life, but more about that in a moment. Tiger got a cold a few days ago (AGAIN) and I thought "uh-oh, now we're sunk." But as Gilda Radner used to say (and DH says it too but I don't think he knows the Gilda Radner connection), "It's always something." It's an illness or teething or gas and we need to find the balance between being responsive to Tiger's needs and helping Tiger learn to sleep and self soothe even during times of discomfort. We had one bad night where Tiger was up a lot and wouldn't stay in the crib after an initial 3 or 4 hours after being put down. It was an old school kind of night - in the bed nursing a dozen times draining me and leaving me in tears by 5 AM when DH got up for work. I was so zonked the next day it made me wonder how I have been doing this for nearly 14 months straight? I worried we had back tracked too much, but after that one night, Tiger began feeling better and has gone back to having better nights.
5 nights straight, he went down on his own in his crib with no crying and talked to himself and drank his bottle until he was asleep. The last couple of nights, there's been some crying but not the top of lungs devastated type we have heard in the past and it's been fairly short-lived - as DH puts it a "protest cry." He knows the drill now. He even asks to get into his "ba" right after bath (this specific "ba" means "bed" as opposed to the "baaa" for what a sheep says or the "ba!" for "bus" - only me and DH can distinguish the subtle differences). This morning, I brought his teddys out of the crib for him to play with and he hugged them and then sat on the floor having a very clear cheerful conversation with them about "ba." He even asks occasionally to go "uppy" in his "ba" to play. A big difference from a month or so ago when he acted like his crib contained kryptonite!
As for the overnights, he has been waking once about 6 hours in (this is way longer than he was sleeping before we started this latest endeavor), and putting himself back to sleep without a word from us about 3-5 minutes after he wakes (light, intermittent crying). He then wakes routinely at 4AM (always been the witching hour for him). Usually, if he's teething, he needs a second dose of ibuprofen at that point. And we've learned that if we try and get him to self soothe at that hour, he'll just cry until 5 AM when I pick him up to nurse. So, I've adjusted my earliest allowable time for nursing to 4AM for now and that's the point when I take him in our bed, nurse him, and he usually sleeps until 7.
So, all this is good. We're making headway. Tiger is getting more sleep (11 1/2 hours last night) and is way more cheerful because of it. I feel human most days now and have a lot more energy to deal with everything, including Tiger's needs during the waking hours and (gasp!) actually giving some much deserved energy and attention to DH. Tiger has gotten a 6 -6 1/2 hour stretch of sleep every night except for that one difficult night for 5 or 6 nights in a row (plus that one amazing 8 1/2 hour night). He's routinely putting himself back to sleep for that overnight wake up. The early morning hours are still tough, but we'll get there and for now, I can handle waking at that time to nurse and have him in our bed. Weekend days, he is still nursing a lot and almost exclusively for comfort. He's got eye teeth coming and isn't taking it lightly. It's tough on me physically and emotionally but knowing I don't have to do that level of nursing overnight really helps.
I also feel Tiger is really starting to understand the importance of sleep - what it means to feel tired vs. rested and how sleep fits into the equation. I feel like we've found a good middle path for now - still having him in the crib in our room and bringing him into our bed in the early morning hours. It took a long time and a lot of different "methods" but we are working with something we cobbled together that works for our family.
I also really feel that waiting until just after the 1 year mark when cognitively, Tiger is able to understand what's going on and we can explain to him the changes taking place and why they're happening, was the kindest and most beneficial way of doing this. Even if he doesn't like it, he understands it so the fear factor is not present. The prior attempts were too early - he couldn't understand so the fear was still present and that's why it felt so wrong. For me, I just think that the "cry it out" methods when babies are still infants are just cruel and don't necessarily work in that I'm not sure it teaches a baby positive associations with sleep. I know there's research on both sides of this issue - and most of the research I have found in the past year does not support cry it out anymore. However, I'm speaking more from my experience, what I've witnessed with many of my friends, and what feels right in my "mom gut" (I just made that up but I'm sure you mom's know what I mean!)
So, I hope to move onto some other topics in this blog going forward, but sleep will I'm sure be an issue that surfaces again. After 1+ year of struggling with this issue, I can safely say it is the most important issue that DH and I have had to deal with as parents. It has been the number one source of tension and dispute in our household. Now that I have a little bit of a clearer brain, I can look back and say I'm not sure I would do things any differently, but I am glad we decided to tackle this issue once again. I am so thankful for all the fellow moms I talk to on this issue - we've been sharing our sleep successes and failures throughout the year and their support, advice and commiseration has been and continues to be invaluable.
What role does sleep play in your life and your family's life? Do you think it's important and why?
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