"Let your monkey do it"or why it's F'in amazing to be a woman!

The quote above is one from midwife extraordinaire Ina May Gaskin's must have book "Guide to Childbirth".  In preparation for my labor with Tiger, I wrote up sayings on index cards that I thought would inspire me and help support me through the weeks leading up to labor and through the labor and birth itself.  These quotes came from various sources - from books I was reading in preparation for the event, from things my birth tribe (doulas, midwives, acupuncturist, chiropractor, and even the physical therapist who taught my prenatal exercise class) had said and also from friends and family whom I had asked to bring quotes, sayings and stories about birth and parenting to our baby shower.  In the weeks leading up to my "late" delivery (42 weeks + 3 days, give our take), I read the cards over and over, and as my prodromal labor dragged on, seemingly endlessly, the cards kept me company when I couldn't sleep through the contractions in the wee hours of the night.  When the time came to use them during labor, I remember looking at them in the birth pool while we were still at home, as I was going through transition - I believe DH handed them to me and asked if I wanted to look at them and I threw them across the room (which turned out to be a good thing because I puked shortly thereafter.  A lot.  And since I didn't puke on the cards, I was able to save them to stash in Tiger's baby book). 
Anyway, "let your monkey do it" was one of the quotes on the cards.  I had already read through Ina May's book at least once by the time I was writing up the cards, but in the waning weeks when I was waiting for labor to really kick in, I re-read one of the lovely birth stories every night to give me inspiration.  The monkey quote had stuck with me (and not just because I think the word "monkey" is silly) - it was something about getting primal, going to that place where we are often so discouraged to find in ourselves by this society, especially as women.  But it is this very place that we women need to go when we birth babies - we have to, in a sense, become cave women again - we have to tap into our monkey and let that monkey do the work of birthing our babies.  Ina May goes on to explain what she means by this: "Letting the primate in you do the work of labor is a short way of saying not to let your over-busy mind interfere with the ancient wisdom of the body”.
Ah, this sounds familiar from my meditation practice! Our over-busy mind interfering again with out innate wisdom (or buddha nature).  It's not an easy thing to attain - especially in a relatively short span of labor - somewhere between 8-48 hours or so.  In my own labor and birth, I was lucky enough that I was able to tap into my monkey fairly easily and early on and it served me well through a long and difficult labor.  I had the hardest time accessing it during pushing - I had to be given pitocin at the end of my long journey because my contractions had spaced and needed to be "beefed up" so I could push Tiger out.  That was the only time I remember being scared - even after 1 + days of labor and stalling with only a lip of cervix for almost 12 hours, I didn't get fearful until they told me they were starting a small amount of pit so I could push.  That was my time (I think most everyone has this time when you are birthing naturally) that I asked for pain meds - simply out of fear of what I had heard pit contractions were like.  But my team held fast, told me "no" and reminded me it would slow my already long labor (which they knew was what I wanted to hear) and we went forward.  Those contractions were really scary and I endured them for 2 hours while I pushed Tiger out - in those moments it took my doula's voice in my ear (and my midwife's voice from down between my legs) telling me not to hold back because of fear, to go into the fear and beyond it - to get my mind to stop interfering and let my monkey take over. 
I was reminded once again of this need for accessing the primal in birth a couple of weekends ago when my first doula client gave birth to a baby girl by all natural VBAC early one Sunday morning.  We lucked out as the midwife on call is the top of her craft - soft when needed, but firm at the same time and absolutely no bullshit.  She knows what needs to happen to bring women into that space - to access their monkey- and she has the ability to guide them there.  In fact, at one point in the wee hours of the morning, we were chatting and she repeated the Ina May quote "she needs to let her monkey do it." I remembered back to my own labor and understood what she meant.  My client, like me, is a smart professional woman who, unlike me, seems to be really in control of herself and her emotions.  Or, as the midwife put it, she's "in her head." This is often a laudable quality, but in labor, it can get in the way. 
My client had doubted her ability to birth without pain meds and her focus was mainly on the VBAC, but the fact is that the ability to VBAC is something that is interdependent with many other factors, as what happens in birth and in life in general, always is.  It's that nasty old cascade of interventions - epidural leads to a prolonged labor and could lead to the use of pitocin which in a VBAC can be particularly worrisome if you're using a practitioner who's worried about uterine rupture.  At 2 AM, after getting some sleep thanks to some helpful sleepy/relaxing meds, my client called me at home and asked me to come back to the hospital.  She was crying - they contractions were getting more painful and she was scared she could not keep up with what was to come.  "I just want it to be over." I empathized with her - I have been there and I know that feeling.  She had been talking about her possible desire for "potato salad" (her code word for the epidural) almost since we had set foot at the hospital (before she was in active labor).  She told me again that she thought she wanted the epidural.  I had a very frank conversation about how it would prolong her labor and if she really wanted it to be over, the best and fastest way was to let nature do it's thing.  She cried more.  It's such a hard place to be in and I felt for her, but I had to tell her the honest truth about what getting the epidural would mean. 
A couple of hours later, back at the hospital, I knew that my client had turned a corner, had given in and was letting her monkey do it, when I heard her screaming and banging her fists on the tub with each contraction.  She was in transition - we had finally gotten her in the tub as another attempt at avoiding the epidural - "let's try this and see how it works and then we can talk again about potato salad." The trusty "midwive's epidural." Sure enough, she wouldn't let anyone in the room except her husband for an hour - a good sign.  Then her husband came out and said firmly "she wants potato salad." The assistant midwife and myself called in the big guns and our guru midwife had her "come to Jesus" talk with mom.  Then the screaming started and tears filled my eyes because I knew in that moment she had given herself over and she was going to birth this baby without intervention.  She let the midwife massage her back after many hours of not letting anyone but her husband touch her.  She made all those wonderful moans and groans women use to get their babies out after hours of total silence during her contractions.  It was beautiful.  The midwife talked her through each contraction - mom telling her she wanted the epidural with each one, the midwife telling her she'd get it after they got through that contraction - just one more.  The midwife got her out of the tub very slowly to check her "before we give you the potato salad" and sure enough she was fully dilated.  My client in side lying on the bed, grabbed hold of the rails with one hand and her leg with the other and said something like "let's do it NOW!" She pushed strong, she pushed like she was born to do it, and one hour later - her baby girl was born into dad's hands and placed immediately on mom's chest where she shortly thereafter began to nurse.  Mom said "guys! I did it!" and high fived all of us.
This is what birth can and should be.  So often we lose sight of this - how it can be.  Even if medical interventions do become a necessity - we can still keep that same spirit intact.  I visited mom, dad and new baby girl the next day and they were both elated.  Mom was able to be up and about - so different from her c-section recovery.  Dad was still grinning ear to ear when I talked to him about how it was to catch his second daughter.  I felt so honored to have been there to witness it, to do any small part in supporting this couple and this baby.
When I talk about natural birth, I get varied reactions.  Most of my friends gave birth naturally, as did my mother with me, so it's pretty commonplace in my circle.  I do have a few friends that have chosen the epidural route and some friends who ended up needing medical interventions or c-sections.  And then I get the people who react with "are you crazy? why would you do that?" when I tell them I gave birth naturally.  I think each person chooses what's right for them - for me I think it's crazy to have a huge needle voluntarily stuck between the vertebrae in my spine when it's not medically necessary.  I also don't want to have to battle the often not talked about side effects of an epidural.  The swelling I had in my feet after I needed IV fluids during labor was enough of a pain in the ass - headaches and pain at the injection site? No thanks.  I also feel bad that some women don't want to experience this truly unique thing that only us women (and not even all of us, sadly) can do- and I think a lot of those choices are made by women because of a lack of understanding, information, and a culture that portrays birth as a medical emergency, as something to fear.  I think many woman, if given all the information, would actually chose to try and birth naturally and that's part of my goal as a doula, a future childbirth educator and in this blog - to start giving women information.  Some women are threatened by the "natural birth movement" (I actually think that's an oxymoron - we should be talking about the "over-medicalization of birth movement") - just as some women are threatened by breastfeeding or  choosing not to circumcise a baby boy.  But, we're all adults here and you can't blame someone else for your feelings.  Those who are threatened by these things may need to look deeper at why - if they feel guilty on some level, that's something within themselves that may be worth investigating.  If they truly made the choice they feel was best for them - or what they really wanted regardless of whether it was a best practice - then there's no need for feeling threatened or guilty. 
But, I've wandered from the topic - all I wanted to say really was women are just the most amazing, powerful creatures on earth.  I am fortunate that my work as a doula allows me to be reminded of this and to touch that place in me with each birth I am a party to.  This doesn't just come up in birth - whenever you're in a tough spot and really need to dig deep to access your strength - try letting a little of your monkey take over and see what happens!