I often see articles that I want to blog on, but then I delay because writing a blog entry takes a long time and it takes even longer to edit it and add the links in. In talking this through with my husband the other day (who has decided to copy me and start blogging too), he pointed out I could just do short blogs on articles that interest me and that I want to share with others in between the longer, meatier ones. Oh yeah! As we used to say when I was growing up – " duh!" He's always smarter than me. So, I'll be trying that out for a while starting with this post.
Funny and spot on article this week called "What To Expect When You're Expecting: The Mean-Girl Advice Book" – taking what is probably the worst pregnancy book out there down a few pegs and calling it out for its alarmist and negative portrayal of your childbirth year. When I was pregnant, first with my miscarried baby and then with Tiger, I actually bought this book despite being warned by even my fairly mainstream epidural loving friends and relations (not disparaging here, just saying it's not like they were my earthy crunchy momma friends) that it was terrifying and should not be read. I bought it anyway, knowing it was crap, just as they had bought it and so many million other women have. It is and was a truly awful book, as many of you know. Read the article for some of the funnier/more disturbing highlights.
I only read it during the beginning of my pregnancy and thereafter, just skipped around to the "this is what's happening with that little life form inside you this week" parts. It was unfortunate that I read a lot of it in the beginning of my pregnancy with Tiger as I was already a nervous wreck after my prior miscarriage and it just added fuel to the fire. Anyway, the book fell by the wayside when I was introduced to my favorite pregnancy/childbirth preparation books – Ina May's Guide to Natural Childbirth, Birthing from Within by Pam England, and the Pregnancy Book by Dr. Sears (please read these books, pregnant women – they can change your entire perception of your pregnancy and of birth), even if you love epidurals! They are empowering and helpful for every woman, no matter what type of birth she wants.
I also own another pregnancy book I bought called "I'm Pregnant!" by some doctor chick. I don't mean to say that demeaningly, and she is actually a medical doctor (unlike the author of What to Expect); however, it's hard to take a book seriously that uses an exclamation point in the title. Also, the cover is a photo of her, looking very un-OB/GYN-like as she stands casually leaning against a wall, arms crossed, white pants and a small top that shows off just a hint of a very not pregnant belly. Dr. Casual tries to be very cool in this book – medical facts about what's going without trying to sound alarmist and appears to be more OK with things like natural childbirth and waterbirth, but it's clear she's not real serious about those things and the book is still alarmist and most of the pages focus on what could go wrong, all the tests you may have to have, and why you feel like crap. The book isn't great, obviously, but it does have some really cool ultrasound images of what's going on in your belly and some more decent advice pregnancy-wise than What to Expect, but it's still pretty negative in tone and not at all useful for actually preparing for childbirth (the stages of labor section of this book is where she really pulls the fear factor out).
Another awful book I read when I was pregnant was the Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy. I was handed down this book by some of my friends who had kids before me – smart women who I trust. It was maybe the most insulting book I've read when it comes to pregnancy and birth. I actually threw it in the trash after reading pretty much all of it (I kept looking for redeeming value) because I wanted to make sure at least one copy of this book was taken out of circulation and never saw the light of day again. If I was a book burner, I'd have a happy bonfire with this one. It's supposed to be funny, but really it's just that kind of awful inane girl talk BS I can't stand. I'm just not that type of woman. The women in that book, especially the one that wrote it, is EXACLTY the type of woman I dislike and the reason why for much of my life, my friends were exclusively male. Ah, well, someone like myself who actually loves pregnancy and childbirth is not that author's audience anyway and she's far richer than me so she can just laugh at my hatred of her crappy book.
Back to What to Expect, I was also given a copy of another book in the What to Expect line (it's a whole damn franchise) – the First Year book. I was told this book was "better" than the pregnancy book by one of the mom's who had warned me not to read the pregnancy one. It was not. I opened it up in the first few weeks of my child's life when I was looking everywhere and anywhere for breastfeeding help and was so insulted by what I found in the pages of that book regarding nursing that it went in the trash can just like the Girlfriend's Guide. Not only did it give mother's the usual What to Expect negative treatment of breastfeeding "it's exhausting", etc, but it also gives it the alarmist treatment as well and really is not supportive of women nursing over one year. So, it's actually very easy to know what to expect with the "What to Expect" line of books - expect overall negativity, alarmist advice, and medical inaccuracies. Sounds like it fits right in line with what our society often portrays about pregnancy and birth.
The overall problem? These books feed into the neuroses and worries we already have about pregnancy and birth. They are not in any way affirming, confidence building or positive. And often, they are downright wrong from a medical standpoint. So, don't buy them. Throw them in the trash! Buy the books mentioned above or others like it or buy none at all (blasphemy!). There are some great books and websites with positive birth stories in them. Read those. Steep yourself in positive energy regarding pregnancy and birth (while understanding what obstacles you may encounter and what choices you may have to make at the time). It will have an effect on your pregnancy, your baby and your birth. Buy one of those buttons that says you only want to hear positive birth stories and wear it proudly. Talk to friends and your midwife about questions you have. Make new friends by tapping into a mom's network and/or La Leche League in anticipation of needing community when you do give birth and in postpartum. Create your own little birthing tribe.
Any pregnancy and birthing books you love and couldn't live without? How did you keep the negativity surrounding pregnancy and birth in this country at bay when you were pregnant or did you indulge in it? Did it have an effect on your pregnancy and birth?
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