I meant to blog last night but I was too exhausted. Our nightweaning continues with some successes and some obstacles, but the short story is that Tiger hasn't nursed between being put down to bed and 4:30 or 5am the last two nights. Oh sure, he's not happy about it and certainly lets us know that, but we're all getting by and during the days he's happy as can be, maybe even happier. A little bit less clingy too. I think me and DH are getting less sleep than Tiger through this process and we're back to work tomorrow- why are these things so hard? Whine whine.
Trying to find a sleep plan that works for our family and our parenting style has really proved a challenge, but we've cobbled together something that seems to be gradually working. Although I'm exhausted still from lack if sleep, my body feels so much better and stronger because I'm not nursing all night. And I'm already starting to like nursing again, instead of feeling burdened by it. I think my nursing relationship with Tiger will be better because of nightweaning and we'll be able to go on nursing for a while longer. Huge relief!
Anyway, night #2 was a mixed bag. Tiger cried 40 minutes when DH put him down, asked for a bottle (goat's milk) and then slept 5 hours (huzzah!). DH and I slept in the guest bedroom, but I didn't sleep at all. Bed was too small, but mostly I was too anxious waiting for Tiger to wake. When he did, DH went in and laid by the crib. 1 1/2 hours of crying and then intermittently crying and sleeping and Tiger drifted off for 2 1/2 hours. This anxious guilt-ridden momma played movie trivia on her iPhone and watched the clock in the other room. I finally slept when Tiger did and when he awoke, it was 5 and DH and I agreed, ok to nurse. I was bursting anyway. I nursed him a good 20 minutes and we both slept in our bed until 7:30. The next day, besides a hoarse voice, Tiger showed no signs of trauma or anger. DH and I dragged ass all day. I was dreading that night.
Night #3 went even better. Tiger took 2 great naps during the day (rare for him), so he went down a bit late. He was crying hard when DH put him down and we thought we were in for a long night. But, then I heard Tiger speaking, demanding something. Turned out, he wanted a "baba" so I brought up the warm goat's milk. By the time I got back downstairs, there was silence. I was confused. Had he keeled over from anger and stress? DH came down and it turned out once Tiger was given his baba, he sat down in his crib, took a couple sips and laid down to sleep. Huh. Was the milk poisoned? No, seriously. Was he breathing? What the hell had happened? DH and I snuggled on the couch, too tired to do much else, watching a movie.
I went to bed in our room around 10:30 and Tiger woke up at midnight. Off to the couch with me while DH comforted. 10 mins later all was silent and I got a text from DH that Tiger was asleep. I woke up at 4am on the couch to round 2. DH told me later that Tiger had been in and out of sleep during those hours, but I hadn't heard. By the time I got up there, it was 4:30 and DH was wrecked so I nursed tiger (bursting again) sitting on the edge of the bed then put him in his crib. He clung to me with his crazy strong legs and arms, trying to climb up and over me screaming. He did not want that crib but I made myself put him down. I then went back to the couch to wait what I was sure would be an hour. Less than 5 minutes later, I got the all clear text and headed back to our bed. We slept until 7:00 when I heard Tiger get up- he was standing in his crib looking at me, not crying. We nursed and got up for the day while DH made up for lost sleep.
So, definitely not the long stretches we're hoping for but better than I'd feared. DH and I have talked a lot and decided not to move Tiger's crib to his own room just yet- seems like a lot of big change at once. However, it's hard because for now it seems I need to be out of the room a lot or Tiger wakes and won't go back down. We're fumbling with this part- any suggestions?
I'm still tired and as I write this Tiger is doing a second nap in the parked car in the grocery store parking lot. DH has class tonight so he'll get home just in time for stories and to put baby down. I'm hoping for more rest tonight or it's going to be a long work week! But we've committed to 10 days and I am really enjoying not nursing at night so I'm going to stick with it. The crying sucks, but with DH in the room as Tiger cries, I'm not feeling like it's taking a toll on him emotionally. It's hard to tell but my mommy gut tells me it's OK. Honestly, Tiger's been giving me more hugs and kisses (without pawing at my boobs) these last couple of days. It's lovely. We're talking to Tiger a lot about what's going on too and he's understanding. Hopefully, putting all this in writing will help me stay the course when I'm exhausted and tender hearted in the middle of the night!
Thoughts? Suggestions?
Showing posts with label nightweaning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nightweaning. Show all posts
October 10, 2011
October 8, 2011
Maiden post - the trouble with sleeping
I am not into blogging. I don't regularly follow any blogs (except for Crappy Pictures - I love that blog and my dear friend's amazing Parenting as Path blog), nor do I take bloggers very seriously. But, here I am "blogging." I feel like that should not be a verb. I am very conflicted over this whole endeavor, but I was talking to my husband about my desire to collect birth stories and publish a book about them, as well as my passion for natural birth and supporting women during birth (be it natural or otherwise), and he suggested I start a blog. So, here I am, trying. We'll see how it goes.
Just dipping my toes in - here is a little about me. I am a first time mom to a 14 month old boy (let's call him "Tiger" since he was born in the Year of the Tiger). I gave birth naturally without pain meds as desired in a small midwife model hospital here in upstate NY where I live. I had a doula/monitrice with me by my side. I will post my birth story at a later date. My full-time job is as an attorney, but my passion and love lies in the area of birthing. I am currently a "doula-in-training," have taken a training weekend sponsored by CAPPA, and am working on getting my first birth under my belt. I am a writer (although it's been years since I published anything), a lover of music, an attachment parent with other philosophies thrown in as fits the needs of our family, a baby wearer, a cloth diaper user, am breastfeeding my toddler, and am a Buddhist in the Shambhala lineage, among other labels. So, that's a little snapshot of me. That said, I'll dive right into our current struggle - the struggle of the last year - sleep.
Our 14 month old has never been a good sleeper. He doesn't like to nap - a couple times a week he only takes 1/2 hour nap for the whole day. And at night, he has NEVER "slept through the night." Every so often, he does sleep somewhere in the 5-7 hour range in one chunk, but never has he slept beyond that without waking. When he wakes, he wants to nurse. He is still getting up every 2-3 hours to nurse every night, which, at his age, is a lot. Or so I hear and read. Either way, it's a lot for me. I'm starting to resent it and as Dr. Sears says - "if you resent it, change it!" Anyway, this sleep issue is a huge burden not only on me (I'm chronically exhausted), but on my husband and on my son. Tiger is a really cheerful, loving kid, who's developmentally ahead of the game, but he's also tired. And when he does get a good nap in (1 1/2-2 hours) we see how much of a positive effect it has on him. We have tried plenty of "plans." No-Cry Sleep Solution, Sleepeasy Solution, and our latest, Dr. Jay Gordon's plan for the family bed. Right now, this is our big challenge - trying to nightwean Tiger (who is very unwilling) and get our family the sleep it so desperately needs.
I was inspired to start this latest attempt by a blog that a fellow mom turned me on to (even though I said I don't follow blogs, this is a good one) - The Leaky Boob. I'm sure many of you breastfeeding moms out there know our good friend Jess at TLB. Anyway, she has had similar sleep travails to what my family is dealing with and blogged with humor and touching honesty about successfully nightweaning her 18 month old daughter using Dr. Gordon's plan. So, DH and I decided it was time to try again, after many failed prior attempts, to nightwean Tiger. Tiger does not take milk anymore during the days I'm at work - most days anyway. Maybe once a week he as a couple of ounces if he's having a tough day or refusing all other liquids. I nurse on request during weekends and nights. Anyway, the nights are killing me so we (ok, DH) came up with a really thoughtful plan, typed it up and gave it to me to read and contemplate. We decided to try this weekend because it's a 3-day weekend so we figured the first few sleepless nights won't be as bad since we don't have to work the next morning. The plan we agreed upon is a kind of hybrid, but more sleepeasy solution than anything. Tiger's crib is in our room. We both agreed it should be moved out. We also agreed that DH and I would do bedtime routine together (bath, PJ's, stories), then I would nurse, then I would leave and DH would do more stories and put Tiger in his crib awake. There Tiger would cry with DH lying next to the crib to give verbal comfort until Tiger passed out or we reached the hour mark. I was to be downstairs out of earshot doing dishes (or upstairs within earshot blogging). This is the easy part of the plan. Overnight, DH is to go to Tiger when he wakes and do the same (lie by crib verbally comforting until Tiger sleeps or we reach the hour mark). Because we hadn't moved the crib out by that first night, I was to sleep in the guest bedroom.
Long story - here is a snapshot of how night one went: Tiger (who has been staying up until 9:30 or 10 during the last week + from his usual bedtime of between 8-8:30 due to molars, travel etc), went down in the crib as planned, cried for 40 minutes, then fell asleep around 8:30. Rejoycing! DH and I had a heart-to-heart about the plan for the evening, our feelings about it, etc and watched some TV before heading to bed in the guest bedroom. Tiger slept about 3 1/2 hours before waking. He then proceeded to cry/scream for 1 hour with DH in the room. I sat in the guest bedroom in tears, unable to sleep, my heart breaking, feeling like it was just wrong, wrong, wrong. I decided the plan sucked. I like Dr. Gordon's plan better (I do). I re-read the Leaky Boob. I texted with my husband all of my feelings and told him I was coming in at the hour mark as planned. At the hour mark, Tiger was still inconsolable so I went in to nurse. The plan was that he not fall asleep nursing and I put him back in crib and we start again with the crying. I couldn't do it. He's my babe and he needed me - or thought he did. And it was now 1 AM and I hadn't slept at all after many days of not sleeping so, in the bed with me. DH got mad I broke our agreement and went to sleep in the guest bedroom. I nursed Tiger but before he fell asleep, I told him I was counting down from 10 and then we would stop nursing and go night-night (I have been doing this with him a lot and it does often work). That's how it went from 1-7:30 when we got up. He woke up every 1 1/2-2 hours and we nursed a couple of minutes and I did the countdown. All but once, he rolled off me and went to sleep before I even started counting down, just hearing me say I was going to do it was enough. Under Dr. Gordon's plan, this is success for night #1! Under Sleepeasy and my agreed upon plan with DH, utter failure. Today was tough - we have a large disagreement over how to handle this and DH is sick of me reneging on our agreed upon methods in terms of sleep. It's night #2 and the crib didn't get moved yet so it's still in our room. We did bedtime the same as night #1 and Tiger has just fallen asleep after crying for about 40 minutes (have I been typing that long? dear god stop me!) DH and I will talk plan after he creeps out of the room and meets me downstairs. It is now 7:45 and the earliest Tiger has gone to bed in weeks (months?) so that's a good thing.
I will update on how night #2 goes. I know a few things: (1) Tiger must be nightweaned for the sanity of all involved, (2) Tiger must be nightweaned before we can seriously contemplate having another baby, which we are otherwise ready to do, (3) I don't want to be nursing Tiger more than at bedtime, morning and when I come home from work - and I won't do more than that while pregnant especially since, as natural mom as I am, I have no desire to tandem nurse (but, never say never), (4) I have no willpower to hear my baby cry in the middle of the night - I lose all logic and perspective and become a wild momma bear that must protect and care for my child!, (5) my DH is very very angry at me because I keep backing down from plans and I have to mend fences there, (6) everything is impermanent. The last one is probably the most important to remember. This moment is different than the moment before and it's gone. One day this will all be a foggy memory.
Empathy? Thoughts? Stories to share?
Just dipping my toes in - here is a little about me. I am a first time mom to a 14 month old boy (let's call him "Tiger" since he was born in the Year of the Tiger). I gave birth naturally without pain meds as desired in a small midwife model hospital here in upstate NY where I live. I had a doula/monitrice with me by my side. I will post my birth story at a later date. My full-time job is as an attorney, but my passion and love lies in the area of birthing. I am currently a "doula-in-training," have taken a training weekend sponsored by CAPPA, and am working on getting my first birth under my belt. I am a writer (although it's been years since I published anything), a lover of music, an attachment parent with other philosophies thrown in as fits the needs of our family, a baby wearer, a cloth diaper user, am breastfeeding my toddler, and am a Buddhist in the Shambhala lineage, among other labels. So, that's a little snapshot of me. That said, I'll dive right into our current struggle - the struggle of the last year - sleep.
Our 14 month old has never been a good sleeper. He doesn't like to nap - a couple times a week he only takes 1/2 hour nap for the whole day. And at night, he has NEVER "slept through the night." Every so often, he does sleep somewhere in the 5-7 hour range in one chunk, but never has he slept beyond that without waking. When he wakes, he wants to nurse. He is still getting up every 2-3 hours to nurse every night, which, at his age, is a lot. Or so I hear and read. Either way, it's a lot for me. I'm starting to resent it and as Dr. Sears says - "if you resent it, change it!" Anyway, this sleep issue is a huge burden not only on me (I'm chronically exhausted), but on my husband and on my son. Tiger is a really cheerful, loving kid, who's developmentally ahead of the game, but he's also tired. And when he does get a good nap in (1 1/2-2 hours) we see how much of a positive effect it has on him. We have tried plenty of "plans." No-Cry Sleep Solution, Sleepeasy Solution, and our latest, Dr. Jay Gordon's plan for the family bed. Right now, this is our big challenge - trying to nightwean Tiger (who is very unwilling) and get our family the sleep it so desperately needs.
I was inspired to start this latest attempt by a blog that a fellow mom turned me on to (even though I said I don't follow blogs, this is a good one) - The Leaky Boob. I'm sure many of you breastfeeding moms out there know our good friend Jess at TLB. Anyway, she has had similar sleep travails to what my family is dealing with and blogged with humor and touching honesty about successfully nightweaning her 18 month old daughter using Dr. Gordon's plan. So, DH and I decided it was time to try again, after many failed prior attempts, to nightwean Tiger. Tiger does not take milk anymore during the days I'm at work - most days anyway. Maybe once a week he as a couple of ounces if he's having a tough day or refusing all other liquids. I nurse on request during weekends and nights. Anyway, the nights are killing me so we (ok, DH) came up with a really thoughtful plan, typed it up and gave it to me to read and contemplate. We decided to try this weekend because it's a 3-day weekend so we figured the first few sleepless nights won't be as bad since we don't have to work the next morning. The plan we agreed upon is a kind of hybrid, but more sleepeasy solution than anything. Tiger's crib is in our room. We both agreed it should be moved out. We also agreed that DH and I would do bedtime routine together (bath, PJ's, stories), then I would nurse, then I would leave and DH would do more stories and put Tiger in his crib awake. There Tiger would cry with DH lying next to the crib to give verbal comfort until Tiger passed out or we reached the hour mark. I was to be downstairs out of earshot doing dishes (or upstairs within earshot blogging). This is the easy part of the plan. Overnight, DH is to go to Tiger when he wakes and do the same (lie by crib verbally comforting until Tiger sleeps or we reach the hour mark). Because we hadn't moved the crib out by that first night, I was to sleep in the guest bedroom.
Long story - here is a snapshot of how night one went: Tiger (who has been staying up until 9:30 or 10 during the last week + from his usual bedtime of between 8-8:30 due to molars, travel etc), went down in the crib as planned, cried for 40 minutes, then fell asleep around 8:30. Rejoycing! DH and I had a heart-to-heart about the plan for the evening, our feelings about it, etc and watched some TV before heading to bed in the guest bedroom. Tiger slept about 3 1/2 hours before waking. He then proceeded to cry/scream for 1 hour with DH in the room. I sat in the guest bedroom in tears, unable to sleep, my heart breaking, feeling like it was just wrong, wrong, wrong. I decided the plan sucked. I like Dr. Gordon's plan better (I do). I re-read the Leaky Boob. I texted with my husband all of my feelings and told him I was coming in at the hour mark as planned. At the hour mark, Tiger was still inconsolable so I went in to nurse. The plan was that he not fall asleep nursing and I put him back in crib and we start again with the crying. I couldn't do it. He's my babe and he needed me - or thought he did. And it was now 1 AM and I hadn't slept at all after many days of not sleeping so, in the bed with me. DH got mad I broke our agreement and went to sleep in the guest bedroom. I nursed Tiger but before he fell asleep, I told him I was counting down from 10 and then we would stop nursing and go night-night (I have been doing this with him a lot and it does often work). That's how it went from 1-7:30 when we got up. He woke up every 1 1/2-2 hours and we nursed a couple of minutes and I did the countdown. All but once, he rolled off me and went to sleep before I even started counting down, just hearing me say I was going to do it was enough. Under Dr. Gordon's plan, this is success for night #1! Under Sleepeasy and my agreed upon plan with DH, utter failure. Today was tough - we have a large disagreement over how to handle this and DH is sick of me reneging on our agreed upon methods in terms of sleep. It's night #2 and the crib didn't get moved yet so it's still in our room. We did bedtime the same as night #1 and Tiger has just fallen asleep after crying for about 40 minutes (have I been typing that long? dear god stop me!) DH and I will talk plan after he creeps out of the room and meets me downstairs. It is now 7:45 and the earliest Tiger has gone to bed in weeks (months?) so that's a good thing.
I will update on how night #2 goes. I know a few things: (1) Tiger must be nightweaned for the sanity of all involved, (2) Tiger must be nightweaned before we can seriously contemplate having another baby, which we are otherwise ready to do, (3) I don't want to be nursing Tiger more than at bedtime, morning and when I come home from work - and I won't do more than that while pregnant especially since, as natural mom as I am, I have no desire to tandem nurse (but, never say never), (4) I have no willpower to hear my baby cry in the middle of the night - I lose all logic and perspective and become a wild momma bear that must protect and care for my child!, (5) my DH is very very angry at me because I keep backing down from plans and I have to mend fences there, (6) everything is impermanent. The last one is probably the most important to remember. This moment is different than the moment before and it's gone. One day this will all be a foggy memory.
Empathy? Thoughts? Stories to share?
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