Showing posts with label natural childbirth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label natural childbirth. Show all posts
March 15, 2013
Home sweet home birth
I've been gone from my blog for some time. Pregnancy, working FT, birth of a second child (little Dragon), maternity leave, now back to work. It all seems to have gone by very quickly. Now four months postpartum, I've been reflecting a lot on my birth experience with Dragon. My wonderful home birth. How incredibly fortunate I was to give birth in the most normalized way possible - in our own bed without any intervention! I had planned for that birth and hoped everything would follow according to plan and although, as it always is with birth, things didn't go exactly as planned, I had the birth experience I had hoped for. I am so glad for having had the experience of a home birth with family in attendance and midwives who just barely made it (my fault!). It was a truly transformative experience, as every birth is. But this one will always be a sweet memory. It was a true experience of all I've espoused and taught during my time as a birth advocate and doula. Wow. There are no words for laboring in your own space in between bites of food at the dinner table with your two year old and your mom, on the living room floor, in the bedroom on the ball while watching "Forgetting Sarah Marshall", in the rented birth pool. No words for going through transition clutching the picture of your Buddhist teacher and changing the mantra "I love you I love you" over and over as the awesome power of birth just takes over and you swim in an ocean of fear with no choice but to let go and trust in the process, trust in your body. No words for your water breaking as the baby descends into the birth canal and your uterus starts pushing him out - not you, your uterus doing all the work and wait! Shit! The midwives aren't here! Because you waited so long and it went so quickly that you hadn't called them yet. Progressing from 3 Cms at 5:30 pm to delivering at 10:08 pm? That's some powerful stuff. And it all just HAPPENED. And it was all normal and fine. My midwife got there in time to help me with those last crucial pushes - getting the baby's head out without a tear. My mom played assistant when the other midwife hadn't arrived yet. The videographer was there to film the first precious moments after birth, at least. My 2 year old was there until transition and left at the perfect moment for his first sleepover away from home. He helped me breathe through contractions, gave me kisses and made me laugh in between, running his trains along the edge of the birth pool. I was alone for so much of it - the poignant coming together of birth and death- both of which we do alone no matter how much we kid ourselves. DH and my mom taking care of Tiger, no one realizing how quickly it was all going. I kept saying to DH "I don't remember it being this intense in the beginning. I don't know if I can do this if its already so intense." And the exquisite pain. Swearing I'd never do it again or if I did, I wanted the drugs next time - GIVE ME THE DRUGS!!! I wanted to birth in the pool, but we needed to slow things down - give our midwife time to arrive -so I ended up on our bed, which felt safer, literally singing out our baby boy who was born after only 20 minutes of pushing. 7 lbs 1 oz with dark hair and looking the twin of his older brother. He laid on my chest, eventually nursing, and after the placenta was born, everyone cleaned me up, cleared out and brought me and DH pumpkin pie. We laid in bed, the three of us, and ate pie and snuggled. Thanksgiving indeed. In the warmth of our own home, mommy and baby were relaxed and loved. Dragon was born two days before thanksgiving, 4 years to the day after we lost our first baby in a miscarriage at 13 weeks pregnant. He is a smiley, joyful, snuggly and chilled out baby. I attribute much of this to the way he was brought into the world. He's never spent a day in a hospital. All visits by midwives and check ups for baby were done at home in our bed. I am deeply grateful. I am deeply humbled. What our bodies can do, ladies. How can we be anything but awed and grateful to be a woman?
December 14, 2011
"Let your monkey do it"or why it's F'in amazing to be a woman!
The quote above is one from midwife extraordinaire Ina May Gaskin's must have book "Guide to Childbirth". In preparation for my labor with Tiger, I wrote up sayings on index cards that I thought would inspire me and help support me through the weeks leading up to labor and through the labor and birth itself. These quotes came from various sources - from books I was reading in preparation for the event, from things my birth tribe (doulas, midwives, acupuncturist, chiropractor, and even the physical therapist who taught my prenatal exercise class) had said and also from friends and family whom I had asked to bring quotes, sayings and stories about birth and parenting to our baby shower. In the weeks leading up to my "late" delivery (42 weeks + 3 days, give our take), I read the cards over and over, and as my prodromal labor dragged on, seemingly endlessly, the cards kept me company when I couldn't sleep through the contractions in the wee hours of the night. When the time came to use them during labor, I remember looking at them in the birth pool while we were still at home, as I was going through transition - I believe DH handed them to me and asked if I wanted to look at them and I threw them across the room (which turned out to be a good thing because I puked shortly thereafter. A lot. And since I didn't puke on the cards, I was able to save them to stash in Tiger's baby book).
Anyway, "let your monkey do it" was one of the quotes on the cards. I had already read through Ina May's book at least once by the time I was writing up the cards, but in the waning weeks when I was waiting for labor to really kick in, I re-read one of the lovely birth stories every night to give me inspiration. The monkey quote had stuck with me (and not just because I think the word "monkey" is silly) - it was something about getting primal, going to that place where we are often so discouraged to find in ourselves by this society, especially as women. But it is this very place that we women need to go when we birth babies - we have to, in a sense, become cave women again - we have to tap into our monkey and let that monkey do the work of birthing our babies. Ina May goes on to explain what she means by this: "Letting the primate in you do the work of labor is a short way of saying not to let your over-busy mind interfere with the ancient wisdom of the body”.
Ah, this sounds familiar from my meditation practice! Our over-busy mind interfering again with out innate wisdom (or buddha nature). It's not an easy thing to attain - especially in a relatively short span of labor - somewhere between 8-48 hours or so. In my own labor and birth, I was lucky enough that I was able to tap into my monkey fairly easily and early on and it served me well through a long and difficult labor. I had the hardest time accessing it during pushing - I had to be given pitocin at the end of my long journey because my contractions had spaced and needed to be "beefed up" so I could push Tiger out. That was the only time I remember being scared - even after 1 + days of labor and stalling with only a lip of cervix for almost 12 hours, I didn't get fearful until they told me they were starting a small amount of pit so I could push. That was my time (I think most everyone has this time when you are birthing naturally) that I asked for pain meds - simply out of fear of what I had heard pit contractions were like. But my team held fast, told me "no" and reminded me it would slow my already long labor (which they knew was what I wanted to hear) and we went forward. Those contractions were really scary and I endured them for 2 hours while I pushed Tiger out - in those moments it took my doula's voice in my ear (and my midwife's voice from down between my legs) telling me not to hold back because of fear, to go into the fear and beyond it - to get my mind to stop interfering and let my monkey take over.
I was reminded once again of this need for accessing the primal in birth a couple of weekends ago when my first doula client gave birth to a baby girl by all natural VBAC early one Sunday morning. We lucked out as the midwife on call is the top of her craft - soft when needed, but firm at the same time and absolutely no bullshit. She knows what needs to happen to bring women into that space - to access their monkey- and she has the ability to guide them there. In fact, at one point in the wee hours of the morning, we were chatting and she repeated the Ina May quote "she needs to let her monkey do it." I remembered back to my own labor and understood what she meant. My client, like me, is a smart professional woman who, unlike me, seems to be really in control of herself and her emotions. Or, as the midwife put it, she's "in her head." This is often a laudable quality, but in labor, it can get in the way.
My client had doubted her ability to birth without pain meds and her focus was mainly on the VBAC, but the fact is that the ability to VBAC is something that is interdependent with many other factors, as what happens in birth and in life in general, always is. It's that nasty old cascade of interventions - epidural leads to a prolonged labor and could lead to the use of pitocin which in a VBAC can be particularly worrisome if you're using a practitioner who's worried about uterine rupture. At 2 AM, after getting some sleep thanks to some helpful sleepy/relaxing meds, my client called me at home and asked me to come back to the hospital. She was crying - they contractions were getting more painful and she was scared she could not keep up with what was to come. "I just want it to be over." I empathized with her - I have been there and I know that feeling. She had been talking about her possible desire for "potato salad" (her code word for the epidural) almost since we had set foot at the hospital (before she was in active labor). She told me again that she thought she wanted the epidural. I had a very frank conversation about how it would prolong her labor and if she really wanted it to be over, the best and fastest way was to let nature do it's thing. She cried more. It's such a hard place to be in and I felt for her, but I had to tell her the honest truth about what getting the epidural would mean.
A couple of hours later, back at the hospital, I knew that my client had turned a corner, had given in and was letting her monkey do it, when I heard her screaming and banging her fists on the tub with each contraction. She was in transition - we had finally gotten her in the tub as another attempt at avoiding the epidural - "let's try this and see how it works and then we can talk again about potato salad." The trusty "midwive's epidural." Sure enough, she wouldn't let anyone in the room except her husband for an hour - a good sign. Then her husband came out and said firmly "she wants potato salad." The assistant midwife and myself called in the big guns and our guru midwife had her "come to Jesus" talk with mom. Then the screaming started and tears filled my eyes because I knew in that moment she had given herself over and she was going to birth this baby without intervention. She let the midwife massage her back after many hours of not letting anyone but her husband touch her. She made all those wonderful moans and groans women use to get their babies out after hours of total silence during her contractions. It was beautiful. The midwife talked her through each contraction - mom telling her she wanted the epidural with each one, the midwife telling her she'd get it after they got through that contraction - just one more. The midwife got her out of the tub very slowly to check her "before we give you the potato salad" and sure enough she was fully dilated. My client in side lying on the bed, grabbed hold of the rails with one hand and her leg with the other and said something like "let's do it NOW!" She pushed strong, she pushed like she was born to do it, and one hour later - her baby girl was born into dad's hands and placed immediately on mom's chest where she shortly thereafter began to nurse. Mom said "guys! I did it!" and high fived all of us.
This is what birth can and should be. So often we lose sight of this - how it can be. Even if medical interventions do become a necessity - we can still keep that same spirit intact. I visited mom, dad and new baby girl the next day and they were both elated. Mom was able to be up and about - so different from her c-section recovery. Dad was still grinning ear to ear when I talked to him about how it was to catch his second daughter. I felt so honored to have been there to witness it, to do any small part in supporting this couple and this baby.
When I talk about natural birth, I get varied reactions. Most of my friends gave birth naturally, as did my mother with me, so it's pretty commonplace in my circle. I do have a few friends that have chosen the epidural route and some friends who ended up needing medical interventions or c-sections. And then I get the people who react with "are you crazy? why would you do that?" when I tell them I gave birth naturally. I think each person chooses what's right for them - for me I think it's crazy to have a huge needle voluntarily stuck between the vertebrae in my spine when it's not medically necessary. I also don't want to have to battle the often not talked about side effects of an epidural. The swelling I had in my feet after I needed IV fluids during labor was enough of a pain in the ass - headaches and pain at the injection site? No thanks. I also feel bad that some women don't want to experience this truly unique thing that only us women (and not even all of us, sadly) can do- and I think a lot of those choices are made by women because of a lack of understanding, information, and a culture that portrays birth as a medical emergency, as something to fear. I think many woman, if given all the information, would actually chose to try and birth naturally and that's part of my goal as a doula, a future childbirth educator and in this blog - to start giving women information. Some women are threatened by the "natural birth movement" (I actually think that's an oxymoron - we should be talking about the "over-medicalization of birth movement") - just as some women are threatened by breastfeeding or choosing not to circumcise a baby boy. But, we're all adults here and you can't blame someone else for your feelings. Those who are threatened by these things may need to look deeper at why - if they feel guilty on some level, that's something within themselves that may be worth investigating. If they truly made the choice they feel was best for them - or what they really wanted regardless of whether it was a best practice - then there's no need for feeling threatened or guilty.
But, I've wandered from the topic - all I wanted to say really was women are just the most amazing, powerful creatures on earth. I am fortunate that my work as a doula allows me to be reminded of this and to touch that place in me with each birth I am a party to. This doesn't just come up in birth - whenever you're in a tough spot and really need to dig deep to access your strength - try letting a little of your monkey take over and see what happens!
Anyway, "let your monkey do it" was one of the quotes on the cards. I had already read through Ina May's book at least once by the time I was writing up the cards, but in the waning weeks when I was waiting for labor to really kick in, I re-read one of the lovely birth stories every night to give me inspiration. The monkey quote had stuck with me (and not just because I think the word "monkey" is silly) - it was something about getting primal, going to that place where we are often so discouraged to find in ourselves by this society, especially as women. But it is this very place that we women need to go when we birth babies - we have to, in a sense, become cave women again - we have to tap into our monkey and let that monkey do the work of birthing our babies. Ina May goes on to explain what she means by this: "Letting the primate in you do the work of labor is a short way of saying not to let your over-busy mind interfere with the ancient wisdom of the body”.
Ah, this sounds familiar from my meditation practice! Our over-busy mind interfering again with out innate wisdom (or buddha nature). It's not an easy thing to attain - especially in a relatively short span of labor - somewhere between 8-48 hours or so. In my own labor and birth, I was lucky enough that I was able to tap into my monkey fairly easily and early on and it served me well through a long and difficult labor. I had the hardest time accessing it during pushing - I had to be given pitocin at the end of my long journey because my contractions had spaced and needed to be "beefed up" so I could push Tiger out. That was the only time I remember being scared - even after 1 + days of labor and stalling with only a lip of cervix for almost 12 hours, I didn't get fearful until they told me they were starting a small amount of pit so I could push. That was my time (I think most everyone has this time when you are birthing naturally) that I asked for pain meds - simply out of fear of what I had heard pit contractions were like. But my team held fast, told me "no" and reminded me it would slow my already long labor (which they knew was what I wanted to hear) and we went forward. Those contractions were really scary and I endured them for 2 hours while I pushed Tiger out - in those moments it took my doula's voice in my ear (and my midwife's voice from down between my legs) telling me not to hold back because of fear, to go into the fear and beyond it - to get my mind to stop interfering and let my monkey take over.
I was reminded once again of this need for accessing the primal in birth a couple of weekends ago when my first doula client gave birth to a baby girl by all natural VBAC early one Sunday morning. We lucked out as the midwife on call is the top of her craft - soft when needed, but firm at the same time and absolutely no bullshit. She knows what needs to happen to bring women into that space - to access their monkey- and she has the ability to guide them there. In fact, at one point in the wee hours of the morning, we were chatting and she repeated the Ina May quote "she needs to let her monkey do it." I remembered back to my own labor and understood what she meant. My client, like me, is a smart professional woman who, unlike me, seems to be really in control of herself and her emotions. Or, as the midwife put it, she's "in her head." This is often a laudable quality, but in labor, it can get in the way.
My client had doubted her ability to birth without pain meds and her focus was mainly on the VBAC, but the fact is that the ability to VBAC is something that is interdependent with many other factors, as what happens in birth and in life in general, always is. It's that nasty old cascade of interventions - epidural leads to a prolonged labor and could lead to the use of pitocin which in a VBAC can be particularly worrisome if you're using a practitioner who's worried about uterine rupture. At 2 AM, after getting some sleep thanks to some helpful sleepy/relaxing meds, my client called me at home and asked me to come back to the hospital. She was crying - they contractions were getting more painful and she was scared she could not keep up with what was to come. "I just want it to be over." I empathized with her - I have been there and I know that feeling. She had been talking about her possible desire for "potato salad" (her code word for the epidural) almost since we had set foot at the hospital (before she was in active labor). She told me again that she thought she wanted the epidural. I had a very frank conversation about how it would prolong her labor and if she really wanted it to be over, the best and fastest way was to let nature do it's thing. She cried more. It's such a hard place to be in and I felt for her, but I had to tell her the honest truth about what getting the epidural would mean.
A couple of hours later, back at the hospital, I knew that my client had turned a corner, had given in and was letting her monkey do it, when I heard her screaming and banging her fists on the tub with each contraction. She was in transition - we had finally gotten her in the tub as another attempt at avoiding the epidural - "let's try this and see how it works and then we can talk again about potato salad." The trusty "midwive's epidural." Sure enough, she wouldn't let anyone in the room except her husband for an hour - a good sign. Then her husband came out and said firmly "she wants potato salad." The assistant midwife and myself called in the big guns and our guru midwife had her "come to Jesus" talk with mom. Then the screaming started and tears filled my eyes because I knew in that moment she had given herself over and she was going to birth this baby without intervention. She let the midwife massage her back after many hours of not letting anyone but her husband touch her. She made all those wonderful moans and groans women use to get their babies out after hours of total silence during her contractions. It was beautiful. The midwife talked her through each contraction - mom telling her she wanted the epidural with each one, the midwife telling her she'd get it after they got through that contraction - just one more. The midwife got her out of the tub very slowly to check her "before we give you the potato salad" and sure enough she was fully dilated. My client in side lying on the bed, grabbed hold of the rails with one hand and her leg with the other and said something like "let's do it NOW!" She pushed strong, she pushed like she was born to do it, and one hour later - her baby girl was born into dad's hands and placed immediately on mom's chest where she shortly thereafter began to nurse. Mom said "guys! I did it!" and high fived all of us.
This is what birth can and should be. So often we lose sight of this - how it can be. Even if medical interventions do become a necessity - we can still keep that same spirit intact. I visited mom, dad and new baby girl the next day and they were both elated. Mom was able to be up and about - so different from her c-section recovery. Dad was still grinning ear to ear when I talked to him about how it was to catch his second daughter. I felt so honored to have been there to witness it, to do any small part in supporting this couple and this baby.
When I talk about natural birth, I get varied reactions. Most of my friends gave birth naturally, as did my mother with me, so it's pretty commonplace in my circle. I do have a few friends that have chosen the epidural route and some friends who ended up needing medical interventions or c-sections. And then I get the people who react with "are you crazy? why would you do that?" when I tell them I gave birth naturally. I think each person chooses what's right for them - for me I think it's crazy to have a huge needle voluntarily stuck between the vertebrae in my spine when it's not medically necessary. I also don't want to have to battle the often not talked about side effects of an epidural. The swelling I had in my feet after I needed IV fluids during labor was enough of a pain in the ass - headaches and pain at the injection site? No thanks. I also feel bad that some women don't want to experience this truly unique thing that only us women (and not even all of us, sadly) can do- and I think a lot of those choices are made by women because of a lack of understanding, information, and a culture that portrays birth as a medical emergency, as something to fear. I think many woman, if given all the information, would actually chose to try and birth naturally and that's part of my goal as a doula, a future childbirth educator and in this blog - to start giving women information. Some women are threatened by the "natural birth movement" (I actually think that's an oxymoron - we should be talking about the "over-medicalization of birth movement") - just as some women are threatened by breastfeeding or choosing not to circumcise a baby boy. But, we're all adults here and you can't blame someone else for your feelings. Those who are threatened by these things may need to look deeper at why - if they feel guilty on some level, that's something within themselves that may be worth investigating. If they truly made the choice they feel was best for them - or what they really wanted regardless of whether it was a best practice - then there's no need for feeling threatened or guilty.
But, I've wandered from the topic - all I wanted to say really was women are just the most amazing, powerful creatures on earth. I am fortunate that my work as a doula allows me to be reminded of this and to touch that place in me with each birth I am a party to. This doesn't just come up in birth - whenever you're in a tough spot and really need to dig deep to access your strength - try letting a little of your monkey take over and see what happens!
November 3, 2011
Going public (and perhaps rogue?)
Well, I have been lackadaisical in blogging, but it's been on my mind so I decided to open up my blog to the public (eek) and see if that forces me to do more with it. As I type this, I am doubting my decision, so maybe I'll pull back by the end of the day - I'll sit with it a bit.
Thinking a lot these days about my calling versus what I do for a living. My calling, which I didn't discover until very recently, is working with women in preparing for and going through labor (natural childbirth being my strong preference) and assisting them during the postpartum period and with breastfeeding. So, I am becoming. Becoming what? A labor and postpartum doula, a childbirth educator and a lactation educator. What does that mean? Here's an explanation on the scope of practice for these "jobs" (and I use quotes because although they are paid jobs, it's hard for me to consider any of them a job as I associate a job with something I don't want to actually do) from the Childbirth and Postpartum Professional Association (CAPPA) website http://www.cappa.net/about-cappa.php?scope-of-practice. I share this resource for those of you who may be pregnant or are trying to get pregnant and are thinking about and planning your labor and birth.
There are many resources out there that people do not seem to know about. I am always shocked that in 2011, I still routinely hear from pregnant friends this question: "what is a doula?" I move in certain circles where these things are just known. I am always happy to educate and expand people's knowledge of what birth can be.
I decided to train with CAPPA and work toward my certifications in these areas instead of just "throwing up a shingle" because I believe that having a scope of practice and being affiliated with a professional association is a good thing for both me and my clients. Besides, there is a lot for me to learn - going through my own natural childbirth was something that I think goes into the experience and qualifications category - but there is so much more to know to be able to effectively help women and their partners during birth. Also, I'm a lawyer by trade and we like things like licenses, degrees, certifications and professional associations. It just makes me feel safe, for lack of a better word.
In the past year, I have been lucky to help some of my friends via email and phone prepare for their natural childbirth and/or vaginal deliveries (some with epidurals) and to field their questions about breastfeeding and other postpartum issues. I've had a great experience doing so and I've gotten feedback that my advice has been helpful. Often my advice is born from my own experience and I do a lot of pointing women to resources that are out there to help them. Any day where I have helped and supported a friend with her labor and postpartum needs, is a good day for me. Today was such a day when I recieved an email from a friend who recently gave birth inviting me to view her blog about her labor and her postpartum experiences (plus cute pics of her beautiful baby girl). I was one on a small list of people invited whom she thanked for sharing a positive birth story that helped and encouraged her through her own natural childbirth. So, today is a good day. This is my calling. This is my purpose.
I come to a job every day because I have to and I work it because I need to help support my family - but it is not my calling. Perhaps it once was, but every moment is a new moment, we are always changing so our dreams change as well. My training as a Buddhist hammers this home again and again - everything is impermanent. My plan: within 5 years, to be engaged in my calling - to be working with women and their partners and spreading the gospel about natural birth - and doing some law work on the side to fill in the financial gaps. I put this out to the world because perhaps it will help doors open in ways I could not imagine - much as my pregnancies (one miscarriage and one beautiful healthy Tiger boy) opened doors in my life I could never have foreseen (I'll post more on that at another time). I carry very hefty student loans, that is what currently stands in my way from quitting my job today. I am trying to find ways to make this all work - anyone out there in the world want to lend a hand or have some ideas? I'd love to hear your stories, thoughts and words of encouragement.
Next post, I'll share my journey - how I got here - including my birth story. Thanks to all the women out there who continue to do this good work and inspire me forward.
There are many resources out there that people do not seem to know about. I am always shocked that in 2011, I still routinely hear from pregnant friends this question: "what is a doula?" I move in certain circles where these things are just known. I am always happy to educate and expand people's knowledge of what birth can be.
I decided to train with CAPPA and work toward my certifications in these areas instead of just "throwing up a shingle" because I believe that having a scope of practice and being affiliated with a professional association is a good thing for both me and my clients. Besides, there is a lot for me to learn - going through my own natural childbirth was something that I think goes into the experience and qualifications category - but there is so much more to know to be able to effectively help women and their partners during birth. Also, I'm a lawyer by trade and we like things like licenses, degrees, certifications and professional associations. It just makes me feel safe, for lack of a better word.
In the past year, I have been lucky to help some of my friends via email and phone prepare for their natural childbirth and/or vaginal deliveries (some with epidurals) and to field their questions about breastfeeding and other postpartum issues. I've had a great experience doing so and I've gotten feedback that my advice has been helpful. Often my advice is born from my own experience and I do a lot of pointing women to resources that are out there to help them. Any day where I have helped and supported a friend with her labor and postpartum needs, is a good day for me. Today was such a day when I recieved an email from a friend who recently gave birth inviting me to view her blog about her labor and her postpartum experiences (plus cute pics of her beautiful baby girl). I was one on a small list of people invited whom she thanked for sharing a positive birth story that helped and encouraged her through her own natural childbirth. So, today is a good day. This is my calling. This is my purpose.
I come to a job every day because I have to and I work it because I need to help support my family - but it is not my calling. Perhaps it once was, but every moment is a new moment, we are always changing so our dreams change as well. My training as a Buddhist hammers this home again and again - everything is impermanent. My plan: within 5 years, to be engaged in my calling - to be working with women and their partners and spreading the gospel about natural birth - and doing some law work on the side to fill in the financial gaps. I put this out to the world because perhaps it will help doors open in ways I could not imagine - much as my pregnancies (one miscarriage and one beautiful healthy Tiger boy) opened doors in my life I could never have foreseen (I'll post more on that at another time). I carry very hefty student loans, that is what currently stands in my way from quitting my job today. I am trying to find ways to make this all work - anyone out there in the world want to lend a hand or have some ideas? I'd love to hear your stories, thoughts and words of encouragement.
Next post, I'll share my journey - how I got here - including my birth story. Thanks to all the women out there who continue to do this good work and inspire me forward.
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