Weighing in - why the controversy over breastfeeding in public isn't about feeding your baby, but it should be

There has been in a lot of chatter in the media and social media world these last couple of weeks regarding some pretty shocking behavior by women. Do you know that (gasp!) women are breastfeeding in public (the horror!)? What kind of a crazy amoral society do we live in here in 2011/12?
Ok ok so I'm being A BIT sarcastic- just a bit. And now I'm being sarcastic about the level of my sarcasm- where will this postmodern morass end??
In all seriousness, I've been holding off posting on this because, well, the whole world seems to be blogging, tweeting and writing about it in the wake of some pseudo-celebrity making an offensive tweet about nursing in public (NASCAR drivers are NOT really celebrities and if you think they are- best stop reading this post now, pick up a good novel and reevaluate your hobbies) and the nationwide Target nurse-in that occurred on December 28.

So where do I stand? Well I think it's pretty obvious. As those who read this blog and those who know me are aware, I exclusively breastfeed my 16 month old son and have never been shy about nursing him wherever and whenever. Well- that's not totally true. Hold onto your nursing bras, even I, the progressive momma, have felt at times uncomfortable nursing in "public" - even if it was in my own house with extended family around- and as I have joined the minority of the minorities (a mom nursing her toddler) - I have even declined to nurse my babe in public from time to time because I felt awkward. More on all of that in moment, but first I wanted to link you all to a blog post by the wonderful woman behind the Leaky B@@b yet again for her take on this issue. I like her spin of "someday we'll live in a world where this discussion is ridiculous" and the comment on needing to maintain a sense of humor in the face of the unbelievably moronic and offensive comments being posted out there on social media sites and in response to news articles. The problem with the internet is it gives every dumb ass a mouthpiece, as we know (including me, I guess). And mention boobs and every jackass within a 100 mile radius comes out of the woodwork (BTW, why is this the second time I've linked to a Dolly Parton picture in this blog? Probably should talk to my therapist about that).
Here's what I think this whole thing is really about- sex. And the portrayal of women by corporations and the media as sexual objects. As well as both sexes discomfort with the human body. Here's what this shouldn't be about - all of the above. What it's really about is feeding your baby, health, and a bond between a mother and her child. But our screwed up society has injected itself in a perfectly natural process yet again. And our damaged psyches really take a beating on this issue.
Why are so many people (seemingly) offended by breastfeeding in public - "I don't want to see it," "It's disgusting," etc.  I think it is largely because people perceive breasts as sexual objects and they only want to see breasts they: (1) like - meaning on attractive women, and (2) being used as sexual objects.  They don't want to see breasts on women doing anything other than something sexual.  And they certainly don't want to admit that breasts were actually designed for this purpose - to feed our babies - rather than to be sexual objects to leer at or play with.  Also, people are still completely uneducated about breastfeeding in this country and there is still a stigma attached to it.  The party line seems to be, you're supposed to breastfeed and everyone knows it's best for the baby (and the mother), but we mothers are still supposed to do it hidden in a separate room or under some weird sheet cover thing that corporations decided to make and charge $30+ for (see an opportunity for marketing? grab it!).  Moreover, I think most of the people that make these really insanely stupid comments about nursing in public (and I'm sorry, but there is no other way to categorize these comments) are immature and either college kids or other people who don't have children, men, and/or moms who chose not to breastfeed and are defensive about it (see earlier post that touches on that topic).  I don't respond to the people making these comments in social media or after news articles on line, nor do I read them very often, because I don't think these are people whose minds are going to be changed or are in some way going to be educated.  They may change their minds at some point when and if they experience having a child and mature as they age, but no one is going to change their minds for them.  They're too busy buying into the whole "boobs are for sex" thing, without even realizing they've been co-opted by corporations yet again. 
Then there's the whole media exploitation of women and the explicit depictions of what an attractive woman supposedly looks like that plays in here because it makes women very uncomfortable with their bodies and with other women's bodies.  If women themselves buy into these stereotypes, then they will most likely feel uncomfortable nursing in public even if they can't pinpoint why.
I have been through different situations in my nursing tenure and have made different choices at different times, but when I have felt uncomfortable nursing in public or around others in my home or theirs, I have always asked myself "why?" and at times have changed my mind mid-stream about whether to just go ahead and nurse anyway instead of leaving the room or trying to hold off until we got to the car or home.  I have pushed my boundaries and those of others to do what is right for my baby.
I knew from the very beginning that I would breastfeed Tiger and I always am cognizant of my mother, who breastfed me at a time when it was not at all supported and she had to educate herself, join La Leche League and bust heads at the hospital and with everyone around her to do it.  This was a time in the not so distant past (35 years ago) when they would give women a pill after birth to "dry up their milk" if they said they didn't want to breastfeed! Paging Dr. Crazy Pants! One of my mom's favorite stories was after I was born and she was still in the hospital, her roommate upon seeing my mom nursing me, lamented that she wanted to nurse but they had given her "the pill" and now she couldn't.  My mom - the LLL educated woman who had geared up to fight everyone so she could nurse - told the woman it was bullshit and if she put baby to breast, the milk would come.  The woman asked for her baby and of course, my mom was right and she was able to breastfeed.  My mom nursed me for 6 months and would have gone longer but she had no support and my dad "wanted his boobs back" (whose boobs?? this is a topic for another time but is reflective of what I discuss above) I grew up knowing all this and I'm sure it was why I never considered anything other than breastfeeding when I had my baby. Given all the pioneering and fighting my mom did, I was surprised when about 1/2 way through my pregnancy she told me she had bought me a nursing cover.  I know her intentions were good and I'm sure I was overly unappreciative when I told her to return it because I would never use one of those (pregnancy hormones make me mean... OK, meaner).  I didn't realize at the time (mostly because I run with a very liberal pack of mommas all who nurse on demand, whenever, wherever) that women actually still use those.  I also didn't realize the place my mom was coming from where she had to fight the establishment and society so hard to breastfeed at all - they certainly weren't going to tolerate her doing so in public.  To me, it was insulting - why would I need that? There are laws in my state that protect my right to nurse anywhere.  And if someone is visiting me and doesn't want to see me nurse, they can leave the room.
In reality, though, there have been times where I have attempted to cover up when nursing or have felt uncomfortable nursing around others.  An example - when my dad visited 2 months after Tiger was born, for the few days they were here with us, I attempted (poorly) to cover up using a swaddling blanket because I knew it would make him uncomfortable.  It didn't work.  I didn't know how to manage it and Tiger hated it.  Plus, we couldn't look at each other, which is an important part of the bonding process that comes along with breastfeeding.  Also, I was just barely out of the "I have to take off all of the clothes on my upper body to nurse" stage and he still needed some help with latch, which required both of us seeing what we were doing.  After a while, my step-mother told me not to worry about it anymore and I gave up the covering.  I have also noted other family members who, when I nurse during their visits, either leave the room or will be talking to me but refusing to look at me (hey - that's pretty weird.  Weirder than nursing, I think).  Sigh.  It's unfortunate they feel this way, but if they want to make that choice, so be it - I do not cover up though anymore after that time with my dad.  And I really thought about why I did that, why I felt uncomfortable and realized the greater good for everyone was for me to just feed my baby in the open and embrace it as the normal, natural process it is in the hopes that they would too.
Otherwise, I have always nursed out in the open with rarely an reservations and have never, not once, been approached by anyone in public about it.  As I said, I live in a state with pretty good breastfeeding laws and I think most establishments know about them.  The only time I definitely received looks was at a bar when me and my friend were breastfeeding and drinking a beer at the same time (oh scandal!), but even then, not word was spoke to me or about me (that I could hear).  I am proud that I breastfeed and in an attempt to re-normalize this in our culture (other cultures are once again so ahead of us in this regard), I do so in public without cover.
Nursing a toddler has presented some of these old feelings again of discomfort feeding in pubic, though now they are of the flavor of "what will people think" as my little guy walks up to me, jumps in my lap, grabs my shirt and asks to "nurse momma."  Again, no one has ever said anything to me.  I haven't ever even noticed strange looks.  Even family has never asked when I will stop nursing and I know I am blessed there because so many of my other friends who are nursing toddlers (and frankly, almost all of my friends are) are practically berated by this question by family and uneducated friends (only my 91 year old grandma assumed I'd stop nursing when he "got teeth" at 5 months old).  I am heartened by this.  Maybe they don't all agree with my decision to nurse my toddler, but they keep it to themselves so that's fine.  And if they'd ask, I'd educate them on the stats and the recommendations by the WHO, etc.  So my discomfort in all of these situations is really my own - its me dealing with my own perceptions and I have been able to really handle that and keep on doing what I'm doing.  I rarely nurse in public these days as Tiger is older and usually when we're out and about, he's so into whatever we're doing that he's not asking to nurse.  Or when he does ask, he actually would really prefer a pretzel or an orange so I end up giving that to him instead.  At family gatherings outside the home and even at my home, I often take him somewhere quiet when he asks to nurse now, a room where others aren't, because at his age he just gets distracted otherwise.  Besides, it gives us some quiet time and a little touch in to the bond that we've created over this shared experience.  In that sense, I can understand why some women choose to nurse in a quiet nook where no one else is.  If that's their reasoning for not nursing in public, I think it's great.  But if they don't do it because of any of the other reasons I've talked about today, I really hope that that is something we can change as a society (and honestly when a newborn or infant wants to nurse, there is nothing you can do to stop them - either hear them scream like they're being killed or nurse them!).
All women should feel comfortable feeding their babies wherever and whenever by breast or bottle.  This isn't about boobs, it isn't about sex, it's just about eating.  So, what's the problem? If you are opposed to breastfeeding in public, next time you have a meal out in public, make sure to put a sheet over your head or go in a bathroom while you eat because really, I shouldn't have to see that.       

Nothing is ever free - including formula!

Last week an interesting item in the news concerned that little state of Rhode Island, where hospitals are the first to go 'bag free' - stopping the practice of "free" formula giveaways to every mother who gives birth.  I mulled this over for a while.  At first, I thought "hooray!" because I breastfeed and think formula companies are, as are most companies, fairly insidious beasts.  Then, I stopped and thought, wait, is this bad for moms who want to formula feed but don't have a lot of money? Then I thought longer and realized, as so aptly put by Jessica over at the Leaky B@@b in her great series on "unsupportive support" of breastfeeding, that this formula isn't really "free" nor is it helpful to women.  The costs of providing these millions of dollars worth of "free" samples of formula to hospitals is of course, passed on to the consumers of the product (you didn't really think formula companies were altruistic just because they make cute looking ads with happy looking babies in them, did you?).  Formula is ridiculously expensive - as a momma who only breastfeeds, I have often said I have no idea how people afford to buy formula.  Same with disposable diapers, but that's a topic for another time.
Anyway, the Rhode Island policy is not to ban formula giveaways in the hospitals entirely as some seem to be recounting, rather, they will only give the samples to those moms who experience difficulty breastfeeding (whatever that means - it's hard! we all experience difficulty).  Point being, it's not as if women will be completely shut out from receiving the samples if they so desire; however, the policy of the giveaway no matter whether a mom wants it or not and as a routine matter of course is done with.  And good riddance.  As the article from NPR I linked to above points out, according to the CDC, only 38%  of Rhode Island mothers nurse their babies six months after birth, compared with 44 % nationally.  Read that again.  Both numbers are atrocious.  Especially when you consider the AAP recommends breastfeeding for at least one year and WHO recommends breastfeeding for 2 years and beyond.  So what is going on here? I really think, as do many others (and there's been research on this), that lack of support in the US is a big factor in why so few women are still breastfeeding at 6 months.  This lack of support includes in the medical community, in the womens' social communities, and in the workplace.  There is also a huge lack of education on just how beneficial breastfeeding is for your baby and for you as a momma - especially for those in low income communities. 
I should come out and say, I am not only a breastfeeding momma, but I am still nursing my almost 16 month old.  I should also say, I never thought I would breastfeed this long and had no intention of going beyond a year, but I am so happy I still am and so is Tiger (he's a boob man).  I think Jessica hits many good points in her blog and I won't repeat them here (it is a post worth reading), but the most important is an understanding that formula companies are a business.  And like any business they are looking to attract customers and make profits.  They will go to great lengths to do this.  Did you see the ads for the chocolate flavored formula? Thankfully, public outcry led to a quick cease in production of that product, but again, formula companies are businesses.  They may try to get you to forget that - and they may act as if their free formula samples and "breastfeeding support" hotlines are really just helpful and not at all geared toward undermining breastfeeding, but don't for a second believe it.  What business model ever was successful in encouraging women to do something that guarantees the women won't need their product?
Here's my experience - with my first pregnancy that ended in miscarriage (see previous posts), I bought some maternity clothes (my first ever) and naively gave my name and mailing address to the cashier at Motherhood Maternity when she asked for it (I blame pregnancy brain for this incredibly stupid lack of judgement).  Anyway, I began getting all sorts of mail - most of it from formula companies and cord banks (as if I have the money for that).  It was bad all around.  And it kept coming right up until the date my baby was due, which was doubly awful since I lost the baby in my 13th week and every time I got the mail, I had to be reminded of that sad event.  Within a week of my name being sold (thanks, Motherhood, you evil mofos) to these companies, while I was still pregnant, I came home to find a nice brightly colored package on my porch.  Yay!, I thought.  Goodies! Well, what was in that box but 6 cans of similac formula "free" for me.  I was probably 10 or 11 weeks pregnant and I had no idea yet what I wanted my labor to look like and hadn't given a thought to how I would feed my baby.  I thought at the time, "that is so generous! I will put this away in a drawer for when baby is born because I'm sure it'll come in handy."  And so it begins.  By the time I had Tiger, I knew better.  I knew I was going to breastfeed exclusively and I had a good lactation consultant in the hospital and breastfeeding support through my midwives and doulas, but after Tiger was born, he had to stay in the hospital because he was jaundiced.  All my friends and the aforementioned supporters kept telling me the best way to get his biliruben levels down was to nurse.  So, I was happy when my milk came in on the third day after he was born and I nursed him near constantly while he was still in the hospital.  But, the pediatric staff at the hospital didn't agree - I was literally told I was "brain damaging" my son because I refused to let them give him formula.  When I did finally relent, he spit it all up - so they gave him soy formula (turns out he was allergic to both).  When he was transferred to NICU at another hospital, they sent me off with a box of soy formula telling me I HAD TO SUPPLEMENT OR HE WOULD DIE.  I'm not kidding.  The NICU was much more breastfeeding friendly and supplied me with a pump and storage bottles, and a place to do my business complete with a radio and magazines.  They very much encouraged giving him breastmilk and their literature on jaundice even said in the first paragraph that nursing was the best way to bring the bilirubin levels down.  But, I couldn't pump enough this early in the game and so they supplemented and gave him way way too much for his tiny tummy in an effort to reverse the levels.  When he was ready to be released two days later, I met with the lactation consultant who assured me his latch was good.  I was then given his discharge papers which said he needed 5-6 ounces of milk per feeding and that I needed to supplement with formula.  They then handed me this nicely wrapped box of free formula (I later gave it to a friend who couldn't breastfeed).  So many things are wrong with this scenario (5-6 oz? for a newborn? and that implicitly undermines breastfeed because as I asked our pediatrician the next day, how will I know he's getting that much if I'm nursing and not bottle feeding?).  My pediatrician saw him over the next 2 days and immediately said we didn't need to supplement, he was back up to birthweight, the jaundice was gone and would not return.  "Just feed on demand," she said.  The sweetest words I wanted to hear.
My tale is illustrative, I think, of so many practices in this country.  I can count very few women I know who have delivered in a hospital (that was my first mistake) who have not been sent home being told they had to supplement with formula, whether this was medically necessary or not.  Also, most babies seem to be given formula as a supplement while still in the hospital.  Why? Because it's there, it's free and many people, even medical staff, don't understand breastfeeding - especially in the early hours of a newborn's life.  So, I applaud RI's policy.  As Jessica points out in her blog, women who truly want and need formula and can't afford it, can receive aid through other sources to obtain formula.  Also, the RI policy does not ban these women from receiving the "free" samples. 
This is not about breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, although I know it touches that nerve in many women who "don't want to be told they should breastfeed." My quick response to that is if something is safer and healthier for your baby, don't you want to be told about it? Whether it be a medical procedure, a product on the market, or a medicine? If you then choose to ignore that advice for whatever reason, so be it.  No one can make someone else feel guilty - we are all responsible for our own emotions and if you choose to feel guilty, you may want to investigate why.
Happy nursing everyone! May RI's decision be parroted in other states, including my own.  I hope that the policy change also includes the decision to ensure that women get the support they need because as I have said to many new mommas, breastfeeding is f$##ing hard! But, with the right support, almost every momma can give that gift to their baby and to themselves - and everyone wins (except the formula companies!)